My third grandchild was born today (Monday). His appearance caused much rejoicing, as you can well imagine. I have seen a couple of pictures of him but have not met him yet. We will probably go to St. Charles on Wednesday and stay for a couple of days, just so I can soak up all that new baby scrumptiousness. I can hardly wait to hold him and kiss him and sing to him. Joy abounds.
Into my happiness at the births of my grandchildren always creeps a bit of melancholy. My own mother wasn't able to be near when any of my children were born. She and my father did get to meet my firstborn when she was a week old, and we visited back and forth with them and the rest of my family while my husband was at the University of Virginia's School of Architecture. My mother doted on Jennifer and I loved that we could spend so much time in Portsmouth for those three years.
Once we moved to Chicago, however, visits became few and far between. My mother taught kindergarten during the school year, and wasn't able to travel at the drop of a hat. We talked on the phone weekly, but this didn't include video calls because those didn't exist! I know my mother longed to spend more time with my daughter, but it simply couldn't happen.
We fell into the pattern of a three-week stay in Virginia every summer. Both my mother and my father counted those days as the best of the year. Happiness surrounded us.
My first son arrived in early January, so no visitors wanted to brave winter travel to Chicago. My mother made do with pictures and phone calls until June. We drove from Chicago to Portsmouth, which takes two days. When we pulled into my parents' driveway, my mother quickly gathered Peter up from his car seat and whisked him away to give him a bath! She said she needed to wash all the "travel dust" off first thing. I know she was just inspecting him to make sure he was perfect in every way. He was a little surprised, I think, but he did like a good bath!
We said goodbye after three weeks, and didn't return until the following summer. A long time in a baby's life. By the next summer Peter was walking and delighted in exploring Grandma's house. My parents were so very happy to have both Jennifer and Peter with them. Every day provided wonderful moments. We did so many things in Tidewater during those years.
My second son arrived in May, four years after his brother, and this time my parents found a way to come to Chicago to visit him when he was just one month old. My mother could fuss over him to her heart's content, and my father could rock him and sing to him just as he had done with me. I was so glad that they could see my son when he was still brand new. My parents took my daughter back with them on the sleeper train so that she could have a special summer visit with them. All three of them treasured that.
We took the train to visit my parents for baby Alexander's first Christmas, so my mother had her precious grandchildren with her twice in one year. I cannot tell you how happy I was to spend Christmas with all of us together.
This pattern continued over the years. Usually only a long summer visit, followed by a drought of family get-togethers. My mother didn't like to travel, so even once she retired, we really only made those summer trips.
Why do I feel a little melancholy, then, when I am blessed with another grandchild? Because now I completely understand how much my mother (and father) yearned to be close enough to us to visit frequently and to watch my children grow up gradually, not in annual stages. We all did the best we could, and my children were very, very close to my parents, but when I am able to be with my grandchildren after a short 2-hour drive, I feel sad that I spent those growing-up years so far away from my mother. It's just something I wish hadn't worked out that way.
I cherish every moment I can spend with my grandchildren and never take my opportunities for granted. I wish I lived down the street from them! So when I see my sweet little Nicholas Anthony Bess this week, I am not only loving him myself, but I'm also channeling the deep joy my mother and father would feel if they were still with us. Love never ends.
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